How Dedication Becomes Something Else
How to Tell If You've Crossed the Line
Dear Grounded Souls,
There’s this moment that happens for high achievers. You can’t see it coming. Usually you’re in the middle of something when you notice it.
You’re in a meeting with your team. Someone’s asking for your input on something that used to excite you. And you realize you don’t care anymore. Not because the work isn’t interesting. It’s because something inside you checked out and you didn’t notice when it happened.
This is different from being tired. This is different from having a bad day. This is the feeling of being disconnected from your own life while still showing up to it.
Most of the time we call this commitment. Sacrifice. Doing what needs to be done. Dedication to the mission.
But sometimes it’s actually self abandonment wearing a professional costume.
The Subtle Shift
Dedication is choosing to put energy toward something that matters to you. It feels hard sometimes but it also feels aligned. You’re tired but it’s the good kind of tired. Purposeful.
Self abandonment is choosing to put energy toward something because you can’t say no. Or because your sense of worth depends on it. Or because you’re afraid of what people will think if you don’t. It doesn’t feel aligned. It feels like you’re watching yourself do things you don’t actually want to do.
The line between them is really subtle. And nobody teaches you how to find it.
High achievers especially miss this line because we’re trained to push through. To do hard things. To sacrifice. So by the time you realize you’ve crossed from dedication into self abandonment, you’ve usually been there a while.
The Physical Truth
Your body knows the difference. Dedication might feel hard but your nervous system is regulated. You’re stressed but it’s purposeful stress. You can think. You can problem solve. You can make decisions.
Self abandonment hits different. Your nervous system is dysregulated. You’re not just tired, you’re exhausted in a way that doesn’t improve with time off. You’re reactive instead of thoughtful. You say things you regret. You feel cynical about things that used to matter.
Here’s the thing: Your body is telling you something important. And most of us have learned to ignore it.
We were taught that if it’s hard, it must be worth it. If you’re struggling, you must be pushing toward something meaningful. But sometimes you’re just struggling because you’ve lost the ability to say no.
What Actually Changes
The shift from dedication to self abandonment is usually gradual. It happens when you keep saying yes to things slightly past the point where you actually want to. It happens when you prioritize someone else’s comfort over your own wellbeing. It happens when you stop listening to the signals your body is sending.
And once you’re there, the only way back isn’t working harder. It’s actually giving yourself permission to be less available. To disappoint people. To let things not get done perfectly.
This sounds irresponsible until you realize that continuing to abandon yourself for work is actually more irresponsible. Because eventually you can’t show up at all.
One Thing This Week
Think about something you’re currently saying yes to that you actually want to say no to. Notice what stops you. What are you afraid will happen if you don’t do it? What are you protecting?
Notice that. Don’t fix it yet. Just notice.
Reflection
What would change if you accepted that you can’t do everything and you don’t have to?
Leticia Osei,
Registered Psychotherapist, MACP; Registered Nurse, BsCN
Burnout Recovery Specialist & Workplace Wellness Facilitator
Featured Google Canada Wellness Workshop Facilitator